Between our own inner thoughts and the mixed messages we receive from our family, religious organizations and society, it is not surprising that we can feel confused about what to do when it comes to whether or not we should stay or leave a marriage.
In my experience as a Divorce Coach, it seems the women who struggle the most with whether to stay or go are the wives who are in marriages where there is no clear-cut, society-supported reason to leave. These are the wives who feel under-appreciated, unloved and disillusioned. Some have described themselves as feeling as if they are invisible to their husbands.
If a woman is in a marriage where she is being physically abused or her husband is drinking excessively, gambling away their life savings, having an affair or snorting cocaine, she may feel she has society’s blessings if she decides to end the marriage. On the other hand, if he belittles her and ignores her most of the time, but supports her financially or is sometimes nice to her, it can cloud her feelings and cause her to doubt herself. She may say things like; “Maybe, I’m expecting too much from him.” Or, “No marriage is perfect.
It is not uncommon for women to resign themselves to spend the rest of their lives in marriages in which they feel lonely and unhappy. If a woman has children or if the she is not financially independent, she may stay in the marriage because she feels trapped. Some women have ideas about God that lead them to believe that God wants them to stay in their marriages no matter how miserable they may feel or how badly they are being treated. In addition to staying for the sake of the children, financial concerns or religious reasons; women might also be fearful of being alone or they might stay because they want to avoid feelings of embarrassment or failure.
Divorce is not the only answer. Many marriages that were teetering on the brink of divorce, have been saved because the wife or the husband had the courage to be direct and honest with their partner. It is not an easy road, but if you think your marriage can be saved, you owe it to yourself to exhaust all your options before you decide to divorce. If you want to give your marriage a chance to succeed, they recommend you seek support from a good therapist, coach or counselor. You can also approach www.thedivorceangels.com for the best support.
These professionals will be objective and help you find the best approach for your particular situation. Their support will be very valuable to you as you make courageous changes in your life. If you do decide to stay in your marriage, do so because you are going to put all your energy toward changing the dynamics from unhappy and disappointing to happy and fulfilling. If you remain in the marriage because you feel trapped or afraid, you are doing a great disservice to yourself, your spouse and your children.